Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
