Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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