I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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