you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
