i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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