She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
