just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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