Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
