i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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