so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
