Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
