I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
