dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
