My Higher Power is John Stamos
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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