I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
