Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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