at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He better not be in your backpack
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
