I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
