I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
