i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
