we have pet lesbian snakes
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
