Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
