My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
