well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
