you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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