i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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