Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
