I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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