why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
