I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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