i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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