the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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