the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
