You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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