i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
