oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
