i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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