do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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