and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
