do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
