he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
