Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
