I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
