So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
