My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
