i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
