First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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