I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
