i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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