Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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