I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
