New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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