Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
