I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize