Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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