Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
