I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
