I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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