Your dad touched me again.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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