Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I want her autograph on my taint
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
