i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
