So drunk its hurt
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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