oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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