1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
