i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
