i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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