Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
