I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I looked at my own cervix.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
