he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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