Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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