I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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