sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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